3/28/2023 0 Comments The true game in life manipulation![]() You know we are inherently, unfortunately, kind of aggressive creatures. “But aren’t we all manipulative to some degree?”ĭr. Michael Frank: I know someone is going to say something to the effect of: But aren’t we all manipulative to some degree? These are all clever little tactics to get the other person to come around to your way of thinking and to do your bidding, and good manipulators know how to use those tactics very well. So there are many ways to control people, you can do it overtly, but the most common way, the slickest way, the most effective way, is to keep your aggression somewhat undercover and to basically beat people up with the weapons of guilting, shaming, playing the victim, and making the other person out to be the victimizer. And the famous one of course is the Stockholm Syndrome (“ feelings of trust or affection felt in many cases of kidnapping or hostage-taking by a victim towards a captor” – Oxford Dictionary) where after an experience of extreme terror, the victim begins to identify with their abuser. It’s not the most common form of manipulation, but there are many ways to control people. In other words, you can control people through terror. George Simon: You know you can be manipulative in that way. ![]() Michael Frank: So if someone is not covertly aggressive, but overtly aggressive, for example, if they were to just physically threaten someone, we would generally not put that in the category of manipulation? That wouldn’t fit a category of physical manipulation?ĭr. It’s a covertly aggressive strategy and it works for the most part in relationships, but it’s very destructive. It’s playing on your emotions, your sympathies, and especially on your conscientiousness to have their way with you. And that subtle approach, that way of fighting with you in a way that’s hard to see, can be very effective. And that’s the heart and soul of manipulative behavior. They know how to use your emotions and especially your conscientiousness to get you to come to their way of thinking. In other words if they were overt about it, if they were to just say: “It’s my way or the highway!” then maybe you would give some resistance. It takes many forms, but it’s basically when a person is out to dominate and control you, and have their way with you, to make sure that you submit yourself to their will, and they do so in a way that’s hard to see. There’s nothing passive at all about covert or veiled aggression. ![]() Notice I didn’t say passive aggression, that’s a term that’s bandied about these days very loosely and erroneously, even by clinicians and mental health professionals. George Simon: The most common type of manipulation is covert aggression. How do you define “manipulation” and how do you define “manipulative behavior”?ĭr. Michael Frank: Let’s start with defining what manipulation is. And so after dealing with so many of these individuals, and hearing so many stories, and doing years and years of clinical case research, I decided to write the book In Sheep’s Clothingabout it, and I’m proud to say that very few books twenty-two years later are still bestsellers. That’s an indication of not only how widespread the problem is, but also how well the book seems to nail it. These are the folks who are out to win, to dominate and control, and who also know how to look good doing it, and how to veil their aggression using subtle tactics to make you feel like the bad guy for having an issue with them. The folks who are the proverbial wolves in sheep’s clothing. And that made them confused, angry, depressed and feeling pretty crazy.Īnd as I got to know these folks and their stories, it became quite clear that they were dealing with some archetypal manipulators. However there was always someone in their life who they just knew at some gut level there was something wrong with, but that person in their life had them thinking that they were the crazy ones for even suspecting that. They were showing signs of having survived some kind of trauma. And these folks were depressed for the most part. George Simon: I was dealing with an awful lot of folks in my practice as a clinical psychologist, who were coming to me with what we now know to be the gaslighting syndrome. Michael Frank: How did you get onto this path of studying manipulative people?ĭr. Let’s begin: How did you come to study manipulative people?
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